Tonight in Joplin we had a decent little storm brewing.....some thunder...lightening...and lots of rain.
Not to get to poetic and mushy...but man, doesn't life seem like storms sometimes?
Life get hard...life gets rough....life doesn't seem fair...and life is soooooo tough sometimes. I know we have all been there. I know I have. Zustiak told our Crisis counseling class that atleast 80% of Americans experience depression some point in their life. I remember 2 times in life when I had no idea what to do next--one serious, and one absolutely ridiculous.
My very first girlfriend was a girl that we will call.....Leigh ann(okay thats her real name). We dated my freshman year of highschool, and I knew from the moment I met her that WE WERE DESTINED TO GET MARRIED! Ever felt that way? First "love" in middle school or high school? Sure we fought more than we seemed to get along, but that just "shows our love!" And then it all came crashing down...My world was ruined! This girl I hadn't even known a year broke my heart. I laugh when I think about how sad I was after we broke up. ok...she broke up with me. I remember not being able to sleep or eat--the woman I was supposed to have kids with was out of my life--atleast until l 3rd hour anatomy class.
And then another time in high school, I experienced the biggest storm in my life. My grandpa was the best man, other than me dad, I have ever known. If you have known me for very long, you know most of my stories start with.."One time, my grandpa.." or "Do you remember when Grandpa..." I still remember the date--January 3rd--I was sleeping out in the living room when my older brother, Charlie, woke me up with some news...."Grandpa is dead."
I remember sitting up, and just starting at nothing--no questions, no emotion, just shock. My grandpa took his own life and my family seemed to be brought to shambles. A hole would be the correct way to put it--The funeral came and was gone--my grandpa was gone.
Complete apathy would be the best way to describe how I felt. I never asked God, "why"....I never blamed him...I never talked to him about it--in fact, I quit praying altogether. It wasn't that I was mad at God--I just didn't care. Why should I? I hear that when most people go through times similar to mine, they question God or give up on their faith all together...but for me....I just put it on the back shelf of my mind. My life took a downward spiral..my morals took a downward spiral...why? cuz i just didn't care anymore.
I snapped out of my funk eventually--which is a story all itself--and now when I think about my grandpa, very seldom does tough emotions come up...I always think about the times that he took my brothers and I out to eat--or would jokingly threaten an old lady who cut him off--Or about the time he was having a heart attack and still tried hitting on the good looking nurse on the way to the hospital. I spent hours doing yard/house work for him--and the whole time he would just watch. Not so much that he cared about what kind of work I was doing, but he wanted to spend time with me. He was in terrible healthy most of my life, but he still found a way to make it to most of football or baseball games. And although he never really played sports--he would always try to give me pointers on how to hit more home runs or how do score more touchdowns.
I get caught up telling these stories (hence the rambling), but the point is that we All go through these storms--we all feel the rain. We all fight the tears, and experience the pain.
BUT
Through the storms...and through the pain...through the tears...and through the pain...we need to know the fact remains--that we will see the light of day.
If there is one thing I see in Gospel of Jesus Christ--it is hope. Not for an easy life. God never promised an easy life--in fact, looking through ALL bible characters, I see great amounts of pain. Moses--questioned and depressed, David--betrayed and devastated, Peter--rebuked and ridiculed, Paul--beaten and killed. All these men experienced great storms--great pains. But if there is one thing I see in all their lives--it is Hope. Hope for the light of day. Not because they could create a better situation for themselves, but because they depended on someone who promised and always brought better days.
I don't know how many times I have laid down in my bed, unable to sleep, and thought--I am tired of it all--I don't want to do this anymore--I can't really do what I am training to do. But there is something that keeps me going--someone that keeps me going. I guess that is what moves Christians when they sing--the hope and promise of Jesus. I assume that is what keeps Christians moving--The fulfillment of Christ. And I suppose that is what brings joy--the life, death, and resurrection, the Gospel--of the Lord and Savior.
One thing I have noticed about storms--is that no matter how terrible, horrific, and paralyzing the storm--the sun always comes back. And at the end of time, there is no storms--because Jesus already won.
Revelation 21:4, "He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away."
